The Fourth Trimester: Parent Edition
The Fourth trimester is often very different for intended parents than the surrogate. As I reflected in my previous post, I felt on top of the world when my daughter was born! Notwithstanding this, the fourth trimester is an opportunity to get to know your baby and reflect on your amazing journey to parenthood. Some things that may arise that you are unprepared for as an intended parent:
As a female IP, you may be constantly told by passers-by that you don’t look like you have just given birth. I found this awkward at first and was unsure how to answer. In the end, I simply said “thanks” with a big smile! It really is no one else’s business unless you choose to share it.
The public also love to comment on the fact that you are bottle feeding (rather than breast feeding). I felt judged every time I pulled out the bottle in public but again – no one else’s business.
Guilt if your surrogate is not recovering as well as expected. This was a big one, especially since my surrogate encountered complications post birth. Remind yourself that these possibilities were explored at length before entering the surrogacy arrangement. Do you think your surrogate would have done anything differently if she knew that she would not recover like she did for her previous pregnancies? Probably not. Engage with a surrogacy or perinatal psychologist to work through this.
The Fourth trimester is also the time when you start the application process for a parentage order. We engage with our surrogacy teams in the third trimester of pregnancy and provide a checklist so that parentage order planning and application is seamless, and you can enjoy baby without the hassle of the paperwork!
Nicole Russell is a specialist surrogacy and fertility lawyer advising heterosexual and LGBTIQ+ individuals and couples to achieve their dreams of becoming parents. Nicole provides specialist legal advice on all aspects of Australian and international surrogacy arrangements and fertility legal issues including the use and transport of donor gametes. Nicole is based in Melbourne and acts for clients in all Australian states and territories. Nicole is an IVF warrior and a mum through surrogacy in Australia.